Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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