i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
