You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
