so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
