We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
