soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
