I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
