I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
