I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
