Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
