Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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