I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
