Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
