Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
