I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
