I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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