I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
