who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
