see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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