How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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