Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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