just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i believe in u and ur pee
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
