maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
