i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
