why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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