Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
