So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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