i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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