I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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