if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
