I cut my penus on the lid.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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