youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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