a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mom said you looked used
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
