Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
