i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
