My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
