Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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