I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
