mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
