we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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