we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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