dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
