we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
