I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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