his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
