Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
