so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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