i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
