it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
