i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
