sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
