I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
