i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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