so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
