im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
