sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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