one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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