You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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