It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
