Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
