I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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