yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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