i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He passed out mid-signature
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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