how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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