I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
