I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
