well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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