I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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